lesson 5: WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A DEADBEAT?

   Some people, if they didn't know me personally and if they were to look at the statistics, might try put me in this category :) Say that to me in front of my kids and see how well you fare though :) The problem here is a common misconception that if a man owes a large sum of back child support he obviously is a worthless piece of crap that deserves to be behind bars. Or that he should have his wages garnished and tax returns confiscated until what he owes is paid in full. I'll tell you something, I've spent the last 15 years of my life trying to play by their rules. I've tried several times to get my life in order by getting a "real" job, securing a home for me and for my boys to spend time with me, but every time i do, along comes good old friend of the court, raping n pillaging my check, leaving me with anywhere from 90 to 120 bucks a week to pay my bills and rent. Lets see you pay the bills on $100 a week. Ultimately forcing me to quit my jobs and go under the table, only to have my money raped and pillaged by any number of random self serving "entreprenuers". If you work under the table you know what I mean by that :) Basically taking from me the ability to live. I have been forced to sacrifice my well being in order to simply remain a part of my childrens lives. No matter what my circumstances were, it wasn't there fault, and they shouldn't have to suffer for it. I'm sure it was as hard on them as it was me though. You see, my kids worshiped the ground I walked on and they we're my only reason to even want to live. In their eyes I was superman, impervious to pain, faster, smarter and stronger than any man alive. That's a lot to try to live up to, but I did my best to be exactly that for them. I have been a constant presence, a loving father and a strong influence in my kids lives since day one. Does that make me a deadbeat? I think not! The deadbeat is the guy that does absolutely nothing for his kids! He's never a presence or factor in their lives! The deadbeat runs and hides from his responsibility of being a father like a coward! I never hid anything from my kids, they know exactly who I am and what I've been through to be where I am today. I've done everything in my power to be there for them when they need me to be, and they respect and love me for who I am, what I do for them and what I've been through. No matter what someone says I owe, I've paid my dues! I may not have been the greatest dad in the world, but I've been the best father that I could be. That's a million times better than what my father was for me. Who are you or anyone to judge me? The bottom line is this, if you're a father who suffers under the same set of oppressive circumstances, keep your head up, let your kids know how much you love them, and find your strength and resolve in their love for you :) To all the TRUE DEADBEATS out there, shame on you! Be a man and step up to the plate! No matter how great the sacrifice! Because your children suffer without your love and guidance! Lastly, to all the self righteous judgemental asstards out there, mind your own damn business and tend to your own affairs! I LOVE YOU AERYK, ANTHONY n KELSIE :) -Steve Burns

lesson 4: The MISINTERPRETATION of TEXT

   This is an interesting subject to me. Have you ever found yourself in the middle of texting someone and suddenly out of nowhere, they get pissed off at you for no reason? lol When it happens, you find yourself thinking "wtf did i say?" :) It's not what you said to them, it was how they read it that got you in trouble. It happens everywhere text takes place. I would give you examples, but I think explaining what it IS, will give you better insight. Every sentence, every phrase, every word you type or text, can be taken several different ways when they are read by someone else. This is why you always see me going back to something I texted and clarifying what I meant to say :) I try to, when I'm talking to or texting someone, say everything as clearly as possible. I call it "SPEAKING IN FULL COLOR". If I explain to you what I'm saying with a description while I say it, you'll find it easier to understand the meaning behind what I'm trying to convey to you. If you want to avoid misinterpretation, there are a few habits you have to pick up. One is recognizing when you've left your words open for misinterpretation, then correcting them before you send them out. Always try to find a way to get your meaning across with your statement. I always leave a bunch of smiles and lols. This implies that I'm saying things in a positive way :) Also try to expand your vocabulary on a daily basis. The more words you have in your arsenal, the more colorful and meaningful your statement reads. Lastly, always try to convey the meaning behind your statement with descriptive wording, say what you mean to say, by how you say it. So the next time you're reading text, try not to think negatively, and take a moment to examine the words. Then think of all the different ways you can interpret them, and go with the one that fits the conversation best :) Keep your mind open for proper interpretation. :)           Steve Burns

lesson 3: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST

   This one, is the story of my life. I'm living proof that nice guys finish last. I don't understand why this is true, why it is this way, but for some stupid reason, it is. Why is it that when a woman is confronted with everything they want in a man, it's too much for them, or it's not enough for them. I just want to be friends, you're too emotional for me, you're way too nice a guy for me, I don't want to ruin our friendship. I've heard every single one of them and more. Then they turn around and give some jackass the chance that you've been patiently waiting for only to get used and abused. They choose the player, the guy who's gonna sleep with every girl he gets the chance to and discard them the minute they get what they want from them. Or they choose the wolf in sheeps clothing, the guy who pretends to be everything they want, only to change face behind closed doors then mentally and physically abuse them. If you listen to them tell it, they'll tell you what they're looking for is a nice guy who's in touch with their emotions, doesn't cheat, isn't abusive, someone who'll listen to them, and will be there for them when they need them to be."BLAH BLAH BLAH" Then they turn their nose up at that person every time they find him. The "playa" ain't gonna get the job done, he's just gonna play his game until the game is over, and that game ends in emotional pain and heartache. The offender will do exactly that,"offend", mental and physical abuse, and you'll have no choice but to accept it or he'll blacken your other eye!!! The nice guy, he's gonna show love, attention, affection, and respect. They won't cheat or abuse, they wont lie or do anything to purposely hurt or offend her. He's gonna do everything in his power to make her the happiest person on the planet, wanting only one thing in return, the reward of her love and happiness. Why would they choose anything other? INEXPERIENCE . The only women who choose the nice guys, are the ones who've been with the wrong guys, repeatedly, making that same mistake over and over. Only then will they learn the hard lesson of choosing the wrong type of guy. I often ask myself is it worth it, is it worth being the nice guy? Is it worth all the disappointment, all the heartache, all the turmoil. Probably not, but I can't change who I am, and don't want to. I've heard it a million times, you have to be an asshole to them, you gotta treat them like shit and they'll love you forever, and in watching, it seems to be true, but that just can't be true. I refuse to believe that if I ever want to be with a good woman, that i have to abuse her to keep her. That's too much for me. It's not who I am, and it's someone I'll never be. It seems to me that being a nice guy spells certain doom as far as relationships go. That's something that I'll have to live with though, for the rest of my life, cuz I'm no jackass, asshole, cheatin ass woman beater. I'm the floor mat that women love to wipe their feet on, I'm the softy that just can't handle it, but in reality, there's not a player or offender alive that can shake a stick at me, that can hold a candle next to me, that can stand on the same physical or mental plane with me, you line 'em up and I'll knock 'em down!!! I'll promise you that !!! The bottom line is this, if you ever come across the nice guy, don't be afraid of what he offers you, give the poor guy a chance already, because that's what he's dying to have, just one chance to find true love :)    - Steve Burns, a nice guy, BUT.....      lol

lesson 2 : The MOST COMMON MISCONCEPTION OF LOVE

This subject covers a very broad area, so I'll do my best to get to it all :) "I LOVE YOU" These words are by far the most misused words in the english dictionary.You see some people saying this to each other after a day or two of being together. This is the most extreme form of the misconception. For those who DON'T know, love isn't something you can achieve in one day, or one week, or even one month. Now don't get me wrong, I truly believe in "love at first sight", but that's not the full manifestation of love, yet. :) Love is like a seed planted in a meadow, which with the right amount of TLC, grows over time, getting bigger and stronger everyday, until it becomes the most beautiful tree you've ever seen in your life. :) When you tell someone "you love them" before you actually do love them, you are cheapening the moment that you really DO fall in love with them. If you're in the beginning stages of love, plant the seeds of love, respectfulness, trust, honesty, encouragement, companionship and compassion. YOU have to be your partners best friend, you have to prove your reliability, you need to compromise, and you have to listen to what your significant other has to say and reply to it sincerely. Love is always taking your partners feelings into consideration. It's a kind word and a warm embrace when it's needed most. (that always feels good :) Love is supporting and encouraging your partner in his/her endeavors. Love is sharing your everything with someone who wants to share their everything with you. Which brings me back to the subject.. Now that we've got an idea of what love IS, let's talk about what it's NOT. It's not love if it's not happening on both ends. Until recently, i thought i had been in love several times, but upon further review, I find that I've never even came close. Every relationship I've been involved in was a one sided affair. I never cheated, was openly honest and caring, never physically beat any of them, and tried to always put them before me. Unfortunately for me, I never received the same thing in return. I got a lot of argument, was cheated on, endured hours of hateful words, and received very little encouragement if any at all. I was loving them while they gave me nothing but a hard time in return. This is not love, much to my dismay :) If you're cheating or beating your "loved one", you simply don't truly love that person. You may care about them deeply, but if you're not compassionate for them, you simply don't truly love them. I know a lot of people will disagree with that, but it's the truth, as i see it. If your in a relationship and you're not giving it 100% of who you are (lying cheating,..), you're not doing your part, and until you start doing your part, you'll be in the misconception, not the real thing. The bottom line is this, If you're in the beginning stages of a relationship or in one in general, do everything you can to show your partner that you can and want to be everything they deserve in a life mate. Plant the seeds of love together and watch it grow... together. Be the best friend you can be to them, and let them know that you cherish every moment spent with them. Show them everyday that you're where you want to be, with the person you want to be there with. Know that you're building up to the love that you're trying to find. When you get there, you'll know you're there, because everyone will tell you how beautiful it is to see :) Know the difference between the misconception and the real thing. Then keep it real :)    - Steve Burns

lesson 1: The HATEFUL WORDS

If you're in a relationship, this is one of, if not THE biggest mistake u can make! (next to cheating n beating) Once you've said the HATEFUL WORDS, they CANNOT be taken back!! You see, most of us sane people forgive and forget, but when you are the target of these words (we all know the words and I'm not gonna glorify them here) they echo in the back of our mind, and reverberate through our souls every time we hear or see the person who said them. Know that once you've said these words, you have sabotaged all chances of attaining your relationships FULL potential !   Don't get me wrong, I see plenty of couples who say these words on a daily basis, too many, and still claim they are in love with their partners and spend their whole life together. But that's not true love. I don't want to know WHAT that is, but its no way to live, at all !! What you end up with is a life filled with sorrow, regret, discontent, and sometimes even malice! If you think, or know you have said the HATEFUL WORDS, try to remember exactly what they were,(because your target definitely does) then respectfully and sincerely apologize to them. :) This wont change anything, but its a start for sure! :) What we have to learn to do people, is recognize when things are getting out of hand, then !!!STOP!!! and put yourself in the others shoes. COMPASSION . This is the word of the day.  :) Compassion is feeling what the other person feels. To be successful in a relationship, you have to have honesty, respect, encouragement, trust, compromise, and compassion. Without all of these present, the truest form of love will be unattainable. For once you've lost one, you've lost the rest of them too. Bottom line, if you are truly in love with someone, you NEVER want to see them in even the slightest amount of pain, emotionally or physically. If you've ever cheated on or beat on or said the hateful words, know that you were/are not in love. If you are/were in a relationship where you get cheated on or beaten or are the target of HATEFUL WORDS, know that this is not love. This is THE MOST COMMON MISCONCEPTION OF LOVE, and that's all it has the potential of ever being.  !!!NEVER SAY THE HATEFUL WORDS!!!   -SteveBurns                        P.S. : hurtful/hateful - pretty much the same thing :)